Happy Tuesday everyone. The new Jaguar commercial featuring British
villains has arrived. I’m not interested in talking about Bald #1 or Bald #2. They
are both interchangeable for Vin Diesel and make me want to stare at my own reflection
on their volleyball heads. No, today we gather to discuss Tom Hiddleston,
drinking tea like a smug a-hole on his way to steal your girl.
I have often asked myself, what is it about this man that
makes me simultaneously hear “I Believe in Miracles” and Snoop Dog’s “Sweat.” Is
it the cheekbones so stiff and defined that they look like a rock formation in
the Alps? The lean, tight body of someone who watches their intake of refined
carbs and GMOs? The cheeky British accent that makes “stiff upper lip” sound
erotic? Yes. All of that. Tom Hiddleston is the physical embodiment of a
cartoon sun wearing sunglasses. Too hot, too cool, and the blood vessels in my
eyes have ruptured from staring at this video for too long.
Watch. Enjoy. Join me in my agony as we reconcile that the
only chance of a relationship with tight pants Tom is via The Sims.
well played.
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